Jimmy Graham

I will never stop writing my story in ink, I need to leave my children proof that pain can be turned to beauty… 

Superhero with a halo

My legendary life hasn’t quite gone as I had planned, a man thrown overboard and in a flimsy lifeboat, just hoping for dry land
The old me would have been long dead, cast adrift somewhere out to sea, Nightmares in my heart and head, endless thoughts tormenting and haunting the living hell out of me

I discovered that Rock bottom had a basement, I guess I was at my very own ground zero, But in the anguish of it all I heard the voice of my inner child, the little boy inside who wanted to be a cape wearing superhero

Turbo boosting like Michael knight, beating the bad guys in every fight, getting the girl, saving the day and doing it for the force that is true and right

My mother god bless her gave me the light when my world was taken, everything I loved and cherished was stolen and forsaken

In the midst of the dark that light started to shine bright
When the other half of my heart walked out on me and our children to go dance with the devil on a pale moon night

One last heavenly kiss, an embrace oh so tight, inside I knew she wasn’t coming back and that she had her own battle she needed to fight

I was her mirror you see, we both have hearts tattooed on our sleeve, it just sacred soul symmetry

She never did give a proper reason, for her act of heart-breaking family treason

Initially I thought it was me? But after some reflection, I found some much needed perception,
She didn’t mean her deception; I saw it in the salty tears that rolled down her oh so beautiful complexion

She was just a scared little girl who needed protecting her and my family’s needs shamefully I was guilty of neglecting

And then Just like a wrecking ball that seeks and destroys, the state swooped in then to come steal our precious blonde haired and blue eyed boys

What we needed was compassion help and support But what we got was incompetence , lies and more than one dodgy report all To help hit their fiscal targets and to get their way in the barbaric family court

Words will never describe of what it was like living in this nightmare But thankful I am for the people who showed me the right care and had genuine concern for my welfare

Those Brilliant Recovery workers and lots and lots people I met in group therapy, Helped me discover myself and the untapped potential deep inside of me That was when the journey truly started, finally tuned in to my very own cosmic frequency

Inside the rooms I heard stories of people hiding their shame Behind high strength lager, crack pipes, and chasing dragons with a red hot clipper flame

Peoples traumas invading my ears, resonated with me so deeply that on many occasion they had me in tears, empathetically listening to their hopes and fears and so much pain that had been held onto for years and years

A wise man once said we need to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery ,but to escape the mind-set of an addict takes faith courage and extreme bravery

I started to well up and choke I guess all that stupid male bravado inside me broke, Turns out I’m not a hard boiled egg , I definitely had a runny yoke

Off came my armour Like a solider removing his Kevlar vest, revealing these bullet wounds had left cuts and bruises across my chest ,intense emotions and feelings all coming at ya, I quickly learned you can’t put a plaster on a compound fracture

See life is one hell of a stern test, it’s never quite simple, it frustrates like that teenage pimple, you remember one that made you feel insecure every day ,but if you learn to have faith that everything will be ok, learn to love yourself unconditionally for who you are, no matter how deep or terrible the scar ,don’t succumb to playing the victim or declare yourself a martyr

you will always be who you choose to be, Don’t buy in to addictions vicious and callous ideology ,and if you ever feel like a relapse is soon gonna come, remember ya can’t pull the trigger if the safety’s on

See my legendary life should have been one full of achievement and brilliance, Turns out its had to be one of forgiveness and resilience

See I had to forgive that girl with the oh so beautiful complexion, who eyes held the entire universe and my very own reflection

I had to forgive myself for the mistakes that destroyed our connection ,to try lift this curse and accept life now had a new direction, while embracing my newly found sense of self, full of perfect imperfection

I wish her all the best I really do, a life full of happiness and hope all her hopes and dreams come true, I pray also one day mine do too

See Rebecca Jane was my very own my Lois lane ,but turns out superman is not impervious to pain, sometimes true love is about letting people go and grow instead of holding on in vain

So here I am all on my own again ,family destroyed by a state draconian ,those secret courts full of perjury and corruption said they had no other option than to traffic my 2 boys on the gravy train of forced adoption

I still have to heal from that , it really floored me, that 12th round KO punch but somehow I got off the floor and beat the count just like Tyson fury

I’m a lover not a fighter you see but I fight for what I love, and I’m very grateful for the help sent from the heavens above

What I learned when I got up off my back was that I can handle whatever life throws at me ,any kind of attack ,I can always bounce back, even stronger in fact, if need be Into the light I retract, it gives me angelic power on how to act
To keep my dignity
Live my life with integrity
Smash it out of the ball park with creativity
And always love unconditionally

Unfortunately this wanna be superman failed in his noble quest and I accept I will forever have a tiny fragment of kryptonite impaled in my chest

My heart despite being bondaged in barbed wire, haunted by the pain of that runaway lover, will always be one full of hope and light with a purpose to hopefully inspire another to recover

I will never give up and day by day I will continue to fight, see I truly believe in these profound words that you hear me speak and that I write

Words can be magical incantations to manifest those dream destinations

.But the place I dream to be?,

Is at peace happy, and once again reunited with my precious family

Only then will I have that ineffable discovery,…… that I have finally completed my journey to recovery

 

Jimmy D’Saint

My Recovery street film festival entry

If you have a interest in substance misuse and are interested in recovery, and reconnecting, then get a feel for my fight with this music video put together by Gremlin.

Saints Recovery...

Come over and join our recovery page on FaceBook. We are here to help people with in in substance missuse, and mental health. So many people are suffering in silence, but we are here to be that shoulder and ear that you need, to cope with dark times and rough patches, no matter how long it takes to feel comfortable.  We ourselves have suffered traumatic times through our lives and we are 100% none judgemental family.

We are a family...

We are all from different causes and have all experienced different walks of life. We all understand what it’s like to have rough patches in life and we all fight for a better future, we are working to rebuild our community.

Email: jimmy-graham@childrenmatter.news

    We are fighting together...

    This is edited by the BBC to silence me from speaking about what happened to my children. However they did report of some of my history. I was proud to appear in this BBC clip, however I did speak about forced adoption and what happened to my children at the hands of social services and the family courts. Please give it a watch.